On crossroads – what journalism taught me

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about crossroads – both as the intersection of choice, but also a point of no return. It’s a space rich in folklore.

In western mythology, a crossroad is a place where you can summon spirits and make supernatural deals. American blues musician Robert Johnson, who died at 27, was said to have sold his soul to the devil in return for his legendary guitar skills.

In ye olde England, criminals and others considered unworthy of a proper churchyard burial were given a profane burial at a crossroad. These took place furtively late at night, no priests or mourners present, and a stake was driven through the heart of the deceased (if you think this is what inspired Bram Stoker, you’d be right). The practice was only repealed by King George IV in 1823 when he got annoyed that his carriage was held up by a crossroads funeral.

African and Asian cultures viewed crossroads much more positively. Papa Legba, a well-known figure in Haitian vodou, was a spirit that served as an intermediary between god and humanity and stands at a crossroad. He’s portrayed as an old man who asks for humble offerings – a cup of coffee, a fistful of peanuts, some tobacco – for helping you commune with the gods.

Wu Lu Cai Shen / 五路财神, the Chinese Five-Way God of Wealth consisting of five deities who each governs one direction and type of wealth, were regarded as travelling gods. They control the wealth that travels along roads and govern its movements, and can be bribed by offerings of food and incense. Here, the crossroads isn’t seen as a place of peril, but instead of abundance and good fortune.

I’ve been reflecting on my own crossroad moments, particularly those that happened early in my career when I was in journalism. I spent most of my 20s as a journalist and looking back, what journalism taught me can be wrapped up in five moments where I was standing at the intersection, trying to pick a path – with no map, compass or guidance but what little lived experience I had at the time.

Here are 5 crossroad moments and what they taught me in my early career.

1. The year I applied to journalism school, I also applied for the MA in creative writing at Victoria University of Wellington’s famous International Institute of Modern Letters. I might not have always known I was going to be a journalist, but I had wanted to be a writer since I learned the alphabet. I got into both.

It’s one of the moments in life where I genuinely don’t know what I would have chosen if I could go back in time. I remember ringing to decline the MA spot, and the person on the phone telling me there was a long waiting list and I was about to make someone else’s day. I cried when I hung up.

There are no perfect choices, only imperfect ones made by flawed humans.

2. The first newspaper feature I wrote was an interview with Audrey Niffenegger, the author of The Time Traveller’s Wife – which at the time had just come out and quickly became one of my favourite books. I was barely into my 20s and had never interviewed someone so famous before. I remember I wore all black to demonstrate my maturity and was quaking in my size 6 boots. Audrey was kind and sweet and had just dyed her hair a different colour to exorcise the spirit of Clare (the main character of her book). I was too self-conscious at the time to ask for a photo. I think I barely spoke and was trying really hard not to gush, which probably ended up in some weird facial expressions. But I did ask her to sign my spiral notebook after.

Ask for the photo. Go ahead and make a fool of yourself. Some moments you don’t get back.

3. Pre-journalism school, I worked on the online news desk of a major New Zealand newspaper. The job was classified as journalism, but was boring AF and I had to fight hard to be allowed to write anything (see point 2). It was at this news desk that I saw the first photos come through of the Boxing Day Tsunami. I had only been in that, my first proper job, for a few months. And it was the first time I’d seen photos of dead bodies.

Like most of us, I’ve experienced some dark moments in life. You never forget your first though.

4. It was at a different news desk, when I was an entertainment reporter, that I found out Heath Ledger had died. The first reports that came through the news wires were just two lines: Heath Ledger had been found dead. They suspected it was an overdose. Several weeks ago, I had just rewatched 10 Things I Hate About You, one of my favourite films.

Many journalists have addictions. It’s an extremely competitive industry with long hours, low pay and often little praise. I’ve never forgotten that first celebrity death that had a real impact on me though. As they say, first you take a drink (or whatever your addiction of choice), then the drink takes you.

5. My last day in a newsroom…I was 28, but felt 10 years older. Looking back now, I was probably experiencing my first work-related burnout. I looked around at all the desktop computers, the scungy carpet, listened to the keyboards, the phone calls, the bookcases leaning at awkward angles, heaving with dictionaries and review copies – and thought how much I’d miss it all.

I didn’t know it then, but I’d never walk back into a newsroom as a journalist again.

What I’ve learned from my crossroads moments is that life isn’t linear – and while you don’t get to reverse once you’ve chosen a road, sometimes the circular road can take you back, but in a different way.

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